The Body Keeps the Score: What It Taught Me About Trauma, PTSD and Learned Helplessness

What
The Body Keeps the Score
Taught Me

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s work is revolutionary—not because he wants to "fix" patients, but because he chooses to hear them. His book The Body Keeps the Score opened my eyes to the deep, often invisible imprint trauma leaves on the body.

This post is the first of many where I’ll break down valuable insights from the book—and the personal realizations they triggered.

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⚡ INESCAPABLE SHOCK: Understanding Learned Helplessness

(Inspired by Chapter 2: Revolutions in Understanding Mind and Brain, p. 29)

Let’s start with a shocking (literally) experiment by Steve Maier and Martin Seligman:

Researchers gave electric shocks to dogs. After repeated shocks in locked cages, the dogs stopped trying to escape—even when the doors were open.

• Dogs who had never been shocked, Escaped.
• Dogs who had been shocked before whimpered and stayed.

                       The Promise of Uncertainty 

a transactional love is not what you deserve 

The promise of certainty tends to mellow down to the basic needs of love.
As children, we tend to look for cues in the face of our primary caregiver.
When the kid is unable to differentiate between the basic emotions taught to them in flashcards, they feel abandoned.
Much like a person unable to understand a word they have been reading for the longest time.
When a child feels abandoned, it's scared of not receiving love from the caregivers.
So the basic needs of love, kindness, warmth become transactional.
They give away a part of them to satisfy the needs of those unavailable parents in order to receive what's called 'love.'
Often we grow up absolutely unaware of the fact that love was never there, and that's why we seek that same from others and that sometimes leads to abusive or unhappy relations—be it in occupational, personal, or social domains.

ADOLESCENCE- What's Happening To Our Children?

Understanding the Unseen Emotional Journey in Thrillers: A Deep Dive into Jamie's Story

I was unable to watch this movie in one sitting, unlike other thrillers, and that's what made it so impactful. My adrenaline remained stable, and my body didn’t experience the usual tension, which made me feel uncomfortable. I was on edge, but the movie didn’t rely on a hidden agenda or unnecessary suspense. Instead, it showcased genuine emotions, and that's when the reality hit me—it's a film that challenges your comfort zone and forces you to face uncomfortable truths.

Jamie’s Story: A Struggle with Power and Masculinity

At the heart of this story is Jamie, a 13-year-old boy convicted of murdering Katie, a girl from his school who was a few grades above him. The movie opens with a vulnerable moment—Jamie wetting his pants—which made me question: Did he actually commit the crime?

The Harsh Reality of What We Don’t See in Our Children’s Lives

We often remain unaware of the lives our children lead behind closed doors. We also fail to recognize the impact our actions, or lack thereof, can have on their development. The film sheds light on the ingrained misogyny in society and the toxic association of masculinity with power.

Throughout the film, Jamie repeatedly states, "I did not do anything wrong" rather than saying, "I did not kill her." This subtle difference speaks volumes—Jamie genuinely believes that stabbing Katie seven times, simply because she refused to go to the fair with him, was justified. His deliberate attempts to humiliate her by spreading private photos around school reflect a power dynamic where he perceived her vulnerability as a weakness. In Jamie's eyes, his empathy was a form of control, and when Katie didn’t submit, she was killed.

The Impact of Parental Neglect and Gender Norms

One striking aspect is how Jamie’s father, after witnessing him being laughed at, turns away in indifference. This lack of support leads to an overwhelming sense of guilt in Jamie, and we see the painful consequences of not doing enough to help your child. Jamie’s love for drawing, a passion he held dear, became insignificant compared to the validation he desperately sought from his father. This reflects how gender roles shape perceptions of hobbies and interests, particularly how masculinity is often tied to external validation.

The Psychological Toll: Issues of Self-Worth and Validation

The emotional turmoil Jamie felt when his father ignored him, hoping it would prevent him from seeing his failure, demonstrates the deep psychological impact of parental neglect. To the father, it may have seemed like a minor moment, but for Jamie, it was everything. This dynamic is central to Jamie’s struggle with self-worth, identity, and validation. We see these struggles manifest during his sessions with a psychologist, where he grapples with issues of self-esteem and his desperate need to prove himself.

The Rage That Shapes a Young Mind

A 13-year-old boy, unless isolated and made to feel “not enough,” can be consumed with rage. This anger stems from a desperate need to assert dominance, particularly over women, to feel powerful and masculine. Jamie believed he could assert this power through control and violence, convinced that this was the way to prove his worth.

The Importance of Listening to Our Kids

One of the key takeaways from this story is the importance of listening to our children. Encouraging them to speak up when they’re being bullied and ensuring they feel valued can have a significant impact on their emotional development. Our actions, both verbal and non-verbal, shape how children perceive themselves and the world around them. Neglect can take many forms—subtle, silent, and often unnoticed. What’s happening on social media, what’s being taught in schools, and how we behave as parents all influence how children understand themselves and their place in the world. Once they reach a certain age, it’s up to them and their conscience, but as parents, we can provide the foundation for healthier self-esteem and emotional resilience.