The Promise of Uncertainty 

a transactional love is not what you deserve 

The promise of certainty tends to mellow down to the basic needs of love.
As children, we tend to look for cues in the face of our primary caregiver.
When the kid is unable to differentiate between the basic emotions taught to them in flashcards, they feel abandoned.
Much like a person unable to understand a word they have been reading for the longest time.
When a child feels abandoned, it's scared of not receiving love from the caregivers.
So the basic needs of love, kindness, warmth become transactional.
They give away a part of them to satisfy the needs of those unavailable parents in order to receive what's called 'love.'
Often we grow up absolutely unaware of the fact that love was never there, and that's why we seek that same from others and that sometimes leads to abusive or unhappy relations—be it in occupational, personal, or social domains.

"But I grew up just fine."

Sadly John Doe, you did not.

Most of us did not and we are afraid to hold the very person who should be responsible for our well-being as children.
Why? It's pretty simple:
We don't want to accept that we were neglected.
We don't want to realize that the 'parent' figure was a give or take of your love.
We don't want to hold them accountable.
Even though we are enraged and disappointed and hate their guts, we still fail—and that's human.
You might have grown but the kid remembers.
The body that has grown and developed had remembrance of a child who was taught ways of life which were unfit and unfair. 

"It's their first time too."

I mean, it's all of our first time.
This is something I have struggled with for a long time and still do at times.
I have realized one thing and that it's time to accept and accept some more, so that our feelings, our experiences, and our emotions are not compensated by the timeline or sequence of events.

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